Kiss Me, I’m Irish











{February 20, 2009}   Melting Down

I had a major meltdown last night.
I don’t even remember what started it. It was just a combination of everything. They’re cutting hours drastically at the PO, including the cutting of several routes. The ones who *don’t* want shit added to their routes are taking the “precautions” to prevent it. They also are the only ones who show at union meetings (which Josh won the $20 door prize for, LOL). The ones who bitch and moan about having long routes? They’re the ones who run through, and the ones who are making the PO think that they need to cut the hours. Fucking morons.
Oh, and they re-upped a TE. Gave him another year. Yeah, they’re going to have TWO regular floaters, and FOUR PTFs. They can’t even give the PTF’s full hours, yet they have the hours to give to TEs? Explain that fucking shit to me. *grumble* It really burns my buttosn that they base hours on the week for comparison between the TEs and PTFs, but by the day when they deem the amount of hours for routes. Does that make any sort of fucking sense, either?

But the problem I’m really having is that I’m feeling isolated. Not because I *can’t* go anywhere, but have you tried going somewhere, with kids? I want to go out with my husband! We were told “let me know the Saturday” and then we’d have that date night. Now, yeah fucking right. I understand he’s just starting over in the dating world, but FFS, if you promise something, don’t pull this “maybe next week, maybe next week” bullshit. My parents are literally *begging* to spend time with the kids. I’m a family social person. If you’re my family, I’ll follow your ass like a lost puppy. I can’t help that.

I cried about this. I mean I broke down and *bawled*. Josh is now saying “why don’t you and sunflowerjewelzJulie go out on Sunday”. I love having days out away from the kids, but he’s not understanding one big thing: I WANT THAT DAY AWAY WITH HIM!! We need the time together. I’m losing my ever loving mind without him sometimes.

I’m not meaning sex, though, gah, that’d be nice to not be so exhausted that we can’t completely enjoy ourselves with it. I love being with my husband. I miss our walks on the beach (or through a bookstore). I miss being alone with him and being able to have a conversation without a small one begging for attention.

Fuck it, I want a vacation, NOW.

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